Billy solves his problems by calling up his mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But Malcolm has his own way and it's better than them all
CHORUS
'Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
and he never has the same problem twice

Whether it's a bill or a cheque arriving late
Rancid marble cheese or a steak that's second rate
Awful TV programs or a broken ELvis plate
Or his fiancee who dumps him because he's gaining weight

CHORUS

Problem solved